Desperate Housewives – are you there?
What you are looking for is what is looking at you
Have you ever been thinking about the mess in your environment? You know, all those things a family uses during a day, everything from CD’s and playing card to shoes and newspapers. And if you are living on the countryside it might even be worse, rubber boots, grass ... you name it.
The kids or your husband are asking "where do I find...?" After telling them they mostly find it, but returning it to the right place afterward using it is apparently a real challenge. Maybe it’s just another creative way to step in contact with the desperate Chief Executive of the house?
Have you ever tried to have a sit-in? Not telling the family members where to find things, even though you know where they are. Believe me, it’s a lesson in patience. If you haven't experienced it, you won’t believe it. Family members are able to ask for things that have been firmly established twenty years ago. OMG!! Where are their eyes and ears? Mum, where do I find candle lights? Mum, where do we have a pair of scissors? Where is the plaster? I do understand why they can’t find their sweatshirts - I found the sweatshirt they're looking for several hours before the children even got the thought “Where is my sweatshirt?” And I have to count up to ten to decide which strategy I will use to survive.
I know am not perfect and in some ways I myself am suffering from the disease “Out of sight out of mind”. But why is it so difficult to accept other people and their strategies of making a mess? I really feel sorry for my family members because I know they are not able to imagine seeing their own sweatshirt and mess from my point of view. So the fact that the sweatshirt is laying on the bench in the kitchen and not on the shelf in the hallway is my own problem. And I have to work on it if I want change my reality.
So how can I change my own reality?
1) Putting the sweatshirt on the right place. I have tried that for years, it works – but it is a never ending story just like the old greek story about Sisyphus who was bound to be frustrated eternally.
2) When I learned NLP I started to reframe. I began to change my mind, to see reality from a different perspective. I realized that it’s only ONE sweatshirt that is giving me a hard time and not several hundreds. It works quite well too. But where are the limits of tolerance? Are there limits for mess and dust bunnies?
3) Well, I could educate the whole family, but it’s like Nemesis coming. It would be a really tough job, because I would have to change mindset and behaviour on my own. When I look back, it would have been quite a lot easier to be conscious about my own values compared to raising children before I got pregnant. Instead, I went the hard way of learning by doing and trial and error. What is the meaning of life? Why is it so difficult to be aware of cause and effect?
I really have to sleep on these questions. ....sleep tight......I lie as I have prepared...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ups!! Did you realize, that you just have been reading this? “What you are looking for is what is looking at you.
By Dorthe Gyldenkaerne, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.